Hogwarts is my home

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I think I’m going to watch some Harry Potter movies while I edit the images I took today. It was kind of difficult to photograph my best friend since I haven’t done so in over 3 years and we were both stressed because the pictures didn’t turn out as planned but I think we still did our best (also the weather wasn’t helping at all, planned an outdoor shoot and had to do it inside with awful light).

Hope the weather is better tomorrow morning for the next shooting with my dear Jane (glad she’s always there when I need someone to photograph).

(And now a harry potter themed question, guys do you know the feeling like when you’re in love and you have those butterflies in your stomach? I always get that when I see pictures of hogwarts , or of the shire or rivendell. Am I the only one? Is that weird? Probably … geez I’m way to enthusiastic when it comes to Harry Potter or Lotr, can’t help it though.)

Stay weird.

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Sundown

Bewerbung 55 Bewerbung 65Actually the first time I planned shooting during a sundown. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it was going to be and my beautiful friend Alexis was the perfect model. She has such a beautiful face and strong expressions. We’re def. going to photograph together more often now. (though I have to find new places)

Good Night

Golden Christmas 4 web
Golden Christmas 2Golden Christmas 3 web Golden Christmas 1 web

Nothing more relaxing than a hot bath after a long day (I know it says Golden Christmas – but I haven’t used it yet, so now I will)

I might be posting a few hacks soon for healthier and fresh looking skin. (although I think most of the hacks are already known these days, god bless the internet)

Good Night

About Body Image and Body Positivity

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What a hard thing to talk about. Body Image, Body Positivity and a girl with an eating disorder. Since a lot of people have asked me about this specific topic. I think I’m finally ready to talk about it on the internet.

(I purposely used a picture not on my lowest weight since I don’t want to trigger anyone)

So I can’t really say when it started since there’s not specific date and it might have been there for years before signs like losing weight appeared, but I’ve always been self-conscious when it came to my body but I tried to never show it this much to people in my surroundings but there was a time maybe 2 or 3 years ago, when it all broke down. I was at a low during this time of my life and had no appetite and started losing weight rapidly (I lost 4,5 kilos in one week) but when my “mind” was recovering from that low, I started being hungry again but on the other hand I really liked that I suddenly had control over something, most people don’t have control over ( I didn’t realize that other people don’t have a problem with their body- how it should be and also that I actually had no control over anything). So I kept eating as little as possible, sometimes even throwing up after a meal ( hell yeah christmas 2013 was so wonderful … not) and started exercising til I blacked out. All that while people in my surroundings just told to to eat again…. yeah that’s so easy riiight, hell I didn’t ask for their help so why were they giving me those super helpful advices (tbh I think 5-6 years ago I was the one who made fun of those “bulimic” models and I hate myself for that cause now I know better).

So as I was dropping weight I, also became anti social (leaving the house as little as possible) and super sad but I told myself I’m going to be happy again when I finally achieve my goal weight – what a fucking bullshit thing to think

being thin doesnt equal happiness, being body positive does

So as yall can already think I didn’t became happier when I was at my goal weight. Back then I had thin hair, awfully dry skin , brittle nails and I wasn’t able to stand up without falling, cause I blacked out more than once a day. All I was was skin and bones .

Finally a little more than a year ago I decided to choose recovery, but people seem to forget that choosing recovery doesn’t mean I’m already fully recovered yet although I am at a healthy weight most of the times and I even joke about my ed sometimes (cause it helps me to cope with it), I still have those thoughts that being thin equals happiness and I still think about skipping some meals and I still look at skinny people and wish I had their bodies. It didn’t go away but I kind of got used to it.

wow what a long rant but I think that’s all I got to say about my eating disorder for now ( I just realized I never mentioned it was anorexia nervosa so here you go)

Peace out

I open at the close

i open at the closeI open at the close

I totally forgot about that old, old drawing of mine. Since then my style has changed so much, but somehow I still kind of like this one (can’t stand the other harry potter pictures it did back then, like voldemort or harry and hermione together, way tooooo realistic).

But the Harry Potter books (and also the movies ok) are some of my favorites ever. Hogwarts is my home!

uhh forgot to mention that this “painting” was done with watercolours.

Gamescom 2015

gfgfhGamescom 2015 was a blast

I was so excited to get a closer look of all the amazing games launching soon.

And f*** yeah I met this amazing Lara Croft (and so many other people in awesome costumes), but she def. was my highlight ’cause she was cute and beautiful and just aaaaaagh (and have I mentioned that I love tomb raider? It was the first game I ever played back when I was a child). So yeah I was pretty nervous when I asked her for a photo and normally I’m a pretty cheeky person well maybe I’ve fallen in love or maybe not – who knows aiii.

Next year I’m wearing a costume as well ( when I have the time to prepare, I always forget about it until the end). But whom should I cosplay… Lara Croft, Ellie (the last of us), Maggie (the walking dead, tv series), Ciri (the witcher 3) or so many others. What a hard decision

Old Lady

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Can’t remember when I did this edit but hey don’t I look beautiful?

Oh man I should have stopped smoking and started using those moisturizer everyone was so crazy about. Haha what an awful edit (so many mistakes) but really moisturize your skin and your hair, just roll in that moisturizer. Inhale it, Exhale it, Live it! Do I seem a bit crazy?

At least my hair is still good looking so I got that going for me.

Old Lady out